Following up on my last post, constructively

Having noted that I subscribe to several e-mail lists regarding the laws of loshon hora, I thought I should encourage others to sign up as well (I have no affiliation with any of these organizations). Here's the subscription information for one of them:

· A daily lesson from the Chofetz Chaim: A Daily Companion/Mesorah Publications.

To subscribe or unsubscribe: e-mail us at dcompanion@chofetzchaimusa.org with subject subscribe/unsubscribe.

· To order tapes, books, learning programs and our free catalog call us at 866-593-8399.

· Please treat printed version with the respect due Torah materials.

And
Subscribe: protectourspeech-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
* Daily email with 2 short lessons on Shmirat Halashon - constructive speech

Good Shabbos!

On Lashon Hara, and the sources thereof

I subscribe to a number of daily emails regarding the laws of Lashon Hara (I'm sure you can tell from reading this blog what a wonderful impact it's had on my way of thinking and outlook! Be that as it may...).
I've become much more aware of conversations that may constitute or contain L"H, and I do, in fact, try to avoid talking about other people, at least if they can be identified. I try not to initiate conversations - even innocent ones - that may lead to inappropriate discussion. And to the extent that I can reasonably do so, I try to end inappropriate conversations quickly.
To me, it seems ironic that shul is a - maybe the - primary source of lashon hara.
There are two major ways this works:
First is the actual talking that goes on in shul. This includes during davening, laining, etc. Of course, most talking during davening is wrong, but certain types would clearly be more wrong. And this category also includes conversations after services, like at a kiddush, or just standing around waiting to go home.
The second way shul is a primary source of lashon hara is when it acts as the "cause" of it. "The rabbi's speech was much too long." "It always is." "I stopped listening; I couldn't follow it anymore." "Did you see (so and so) fell asleep as soon as the rabbi got up?" And, "the laining was terrible!" Or "the laining was pretty good - much better than he usually is!"
The responsibility for almost all of this is on the individual. Regardless of the validity of the point, it's just idle chatter and loshon hara.
But some of this is addressable and preventable by the shul! If (the vast majority of) congregants don't want a long drasha, let the rabbi give a shorter one (perhaps with a longer one after davening). Don't have bad ba'alei tefilla regularly (yes, "bad" is a subjective term, but there are some people who clearly should not daven with any frequency).
My bottom line: yes, people are going to (inappropriately) talk anyway, and they shouldn't, and that's each person's responsibility and problem.
But don't give them more fuel for the fire! To me, it seems like an obvious case of lifnei iver lo sitten michshol - don't put a stumbling block in front of a blind person.

Still ranting on Purim

Last night was megilla reading, of course, and one of my rare weeknight trips to shul. Lest the blog- reader think that I think (and write) only negative, I'll preface my remarks by saying that the ba'al koreh for Megillas Esther is excellent - quick without rushing, clear, and careful.
But of course, "good" is less interesting than the alternatives, some of which are "bad", "annoying", "irritating", and "what the heck is that?"
So I'll move on to my point - just for something completely different, the shul gabbai davened (as shaliach tzibbur) ma'ariv. And he's not a good ba'al tefilla (though he's a very nice guy). And he davens (for the amud) way too often. I don't know if it's a matter of ego (I actually don't believe it is; he freely admits he's tone deaf) or laziness (he can't be bothered to ask people to daven), or something else. But it is my opinion that he should not - basically ever - daven for the amud. There are enough competent ba'alei tefilla (yes, I'm one of them, but I'm perfectly satisfied to be a member of the tzibbur), both chiyuvim and not, so that he - the gabbai - should never have to daven. Even if he was a good ba'al tefilla - he'd still be davening too often.
It's sad. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Starting Off - Purim 5769

So, this is going to be mostly a rant. That's my primary goal in setting up this blog. As I hope you'll see, the things I'm going to say here are things I can't say in person to anyone else. And I'm going to be vague about names, locations, dates, and any other potentially-identifying information. I'm not trying to embarrass anyone. If I could find a way to say these things and have them be accepted as constructive criticism, I would do that. But I don't think I'm a good enough speaker to do that, and I strongly suspect that the recipients ("targets", if you will) of my critique would not interpret it as constructive. And in some cases, it's not constructive. You'll see, I hope.
I also want to preface this (more) by making something else completely clear. I'm not perfect, in any way, especially as it pertains to my shul- and Jewish- observance. To be more specific (but not exhaustive), I don't go to shul as often as I should, I don't daven with anything resembling good kavanah, and I (internally) turn trivial matters into major annoyances.
One good thing about me, though - I try to always be thinking, and that's what differentiates me from many others. For example, I try not to stand in the middle of a doorway when people might be trying to walk past (isn't it amazing how many people do that?).
And I do try to improve myself, and take criticism constructively. I lain (read from the Torah) occasionally, and I have had experts tell me (in an absolutely-appropriate fashion) about mistakes I've made, and I listen, and try very hard not to make those same mistakes again.
So I don't think I have too many self-delusions (of course, that may be an example of one, right there!).

In coming posts, I hope to tackle the subject of something I call "aggressive incompetence." But I'm going to "put down" my poison pen for now, and go do something else constructive.
Feedback and suggestions (don't suggest "therapy" ;) ) are welcome.